Dear me a year ago

Dear me a year ago,

I wish it worked like that.
Because knowing all I do on our ‘first anniversary’,
Can I have one favour?
Lord, I wanna save her.

Yes we’re both a little broken

But where you see him as your favourite one-eyed teddy

I think to him
You’re just a mug.

One he liked enough to hold together
As long as the cracks don’t start to show.

‘You’re crazy.’

The butt of a joke
Or to tell somebody who is more than just an escape
That you never mattered or compared

And you’ll watch him weave such beautiful poetry of his New Year prayer and matrimony

For his new love
Yet leave his embarrassment so thinly veiled it can’t go over your head.

You were never good enough.

And yeah you’ll meet another boy
That looks at you like the manifestation of all his prayers

But your first love will leave you with nothing to offer but to kneel down for him
But you’re too choked up
On the promise that forever meant you’d never sit on another rock
To watch the waves as Sirens do.

And you’ll let some prick you barely know force the doors of your temple open
But at least this time your head’s spinning off brown nectar and trees
Instead of buzzing as it smashes through the table.

‘Be grateful.’

That for once somebody isn’t ashamed to say
They lay hands on you.

And you’ll try to tell him

You love him

It’s sad that now a blog he’ll never see is the only place you’ll be able to tell the guy who’s lying next to you right now

That just a hey would make your day
A couple hours could save your life

Not because you want to go back

But because you miss having somebody who accepts that you’d get up early on a Saturday just to watch Pokemon

and I know my Nen ability now (and I’m a specialist so 😴🏃)

But most of all you’ll hold out because this day
He told you he loved you
And you said your biggest fear is one day he’ll want nothing to do with you
and you can’t let go of the pinky promise
That whatever happened you’d never let it get like that

But please brace yourself.

Because…

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Dear Future Me

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Dear future me,

This is the last day you get to stand on the river bank

Playing counsellor to a marriage that’s as old as time

I think you love them both just as much

The giddy rush of holding a whole world in a misplaced step.

You better go out in style
Continue reading “Dear Future Me”